Are you trying to establish a good foundation of trust with your children and you need some pointers? It may not be as hard as you think to reach a better level of understanding.
First you need to think about what’s happened to cause the breakdown of trust in the first place. Once you see where and why it started you can work on fixing the problem.
Children are born trusting their parents. Think back to the early years. Do you remember how they looked at you? Moms and Dads surpass Spiderman by light years in the eyes of their kids. Unfortunately problems in trust begin during these same early years. Parents have a way of agreeing to things that their kids ask or beg them for and they do not realize how serious the children are taking the promises. For instance they ask you to take them to the park on Saturday and you agree, but when Saturday arrives, you play golf instead, or go to work or just forget. This may not seem earth shattering to you, but it is very important to the kid……YOU PROMISED…..and no matter how good a reason you had for not keeping your promise, the only thing they remember is the broken promise.
A parent that casually makes promises and does not keep them loses face to their children. They are learning that you can not be trusted. You have to remember not to make promises to children on a whim or to get them to leave you alone. A parent’s word and promise is sacred. Always keep your promises to your children. Therefore you need to always listen to what is being asked of you and be mindful of your answer.
Do not tell your children one thing and then change it later depending on how it suits you or based upon your emotional state. Parents often tell their kids to come to them with any problem and always tell the truth and they promise their kids if they do this they will not be in trouble. What happens though? Your child comes to tell you that they did something they were not supposed to do and all heck broke loose. You immediately forget the promised safety net and loving arms you promised your children. Depending upon their infraction of the rules, there is yelling, screaming, punishment and threats of grounding them until they die and beyond. Parents may understand some of the irrationality of these acts, kids do not. Is it any wonder why kids don’t trust you enough to tell you anything?
If some of this is ringing true with you, there are ways to begin changing and re-establishing a bond of trust. Let your kids know if you say something to them you mean it and when you promise them something you will follow through. This has to be adhered to 100% of the time, not every now and again.
You also need to talk with your children and let them know you love and support them and will be there for them no matter what. Let them know that what they tell you will be kept in confidence and let them come to you and talk without all of the drama and hysterical acting out of the past. You must listen calmly and act wisely, but don’t threaten and scare your children…..remember that you are the adult.
When you start using these principles of behavior and you use them faithfully and predictably, your kids will start trusting in you once again…..and to have your kids’ trust….is priceless.
Discuss Online
PrepaidLegal
No comments:
Post a Comment